Advent

It is hard to hear the admonishments of John the Baptist ..." repent, repent, repent."
So I have been looking for some insight and found it today, actually yesterday, in the daily devotional I read, Forward Day by Day. In it the writer noted that "the promises we make during Advent -- to amend our lives, to be loving and forgiving toward others --often fall short of our best intentions. " With God's help, spiritual growth and renewal may occur. Finally I found words that resonate more than "repent," instead love and forgive.

Beautiful music everywhere, deeply moving sermons at St. Francis, the smiling faces of my little grandchildren ransacking my little apartment, this is supposed to be a good time. Instead, I was just moping about, well staying busy, cooking and baking, buying and wrapping, writing and mailing, wearing those aged yet memory laden Christmas sweat shirts and attending most of the events to which I was invited.

Finally, while listening to and enjoying the splendor of a new version of "The Nutcracker", while tears streamed down my face (I'm my father's daughter, we are criers), it became clear what I need to do. I have to forgive the man that doesn't want me. He is not an awful person. He just doesn't want me. Wish he did. He doesn't. If I forgive it won't be so painful. I will feel better and be ready to celebrate all the holidays with family and friends, new and old, who still will put up with me. It is not unusual to be saddened by the loss of someone about whom you feel strongly. I am not mentally ill.

This Advent ... this coming of Jesus into all our lives, when we choose it, I will forgive and be loving to those who want me to be.

Thank you to the Ranchers at Down Home Ranch, the choir and congregation at Christ Church Cathedral, the choir and congregation at St. Francis, and Father John, who plainly spoke of my situation and comforted me in so doing. Thanks to President #41 and Mrs., to the cast of "Beauty and the Beast" (even if I could barely see them from the upper balcony. (note to self: no more shows in auditoria, only in theatres where faces and their expressions can be seen.) Thank you to all the kind and dear people who have taken me in to their interesting jobs and lives at the City.

It would be plumb dumb to fail to hear the Advent message, to fail to forgive and love, as we have been shown to do.

I'm not quite ready for "Merry" anything just yet ... but I'm working on it and I still have time.