Facing again the specter of unemployment.

It hasn't happened but I tend to worry ahead.  Seems the huge multinational corporation that has employed me in a temporary part time position for the past several months is taking a hard look at budgetary concerns and my massive hourly cost may be more than they can sustain.

If this is the case I am heartbroken on so many levels.  First, of course, is the loss of what seems to me to be absolutely necessary income to supplement that lovely check I get from myself (and the government) on the second Wednesday of every month.  Secondly is the honest to goodness fact that I love this little job, that I can do, with people whom I like and who seem to like me back, interesting people with much to teach and share.  Third is the flaming ass nightmare of trying to find a job in this town, at this age.  I've been there and it was hell.

On-line may be a swell way to do a lot of things, but if your birth year is 1940 its the worst possible way to apply for jobs.  They see the year and they picture the least able 70-something they know and you are painted with that brush.

I understand very clearly that I am not the good little, bright little worker that I was twenty or more years ago.  I am, however, still most able.  I can and do speak in complete sentences, follow instructions, know how to ask for help with things I do not understand, appear on time each work day and complete the day and its tasks.  I am pleasant (mostly) and well spoken.  I can operate many office machines without crashes and fire.  I can climb ladders, install new cartridges, send and receive faxes, texts, calls and messages.  I am generally presentable with few bad hair days since I went to the short stuff.  My vision and hearing are completely within the normal range and my driving skills are hampered only by a slightly leaded right foot.

So, now the question becomes, do I stay or do I go.  Do I slog through another several months (if I'm very frugal, I can probably make four in these circumstances), hunting high and low for someone to take a chance on me.  Do I move away, to somewhere smaller, with smaller costs, with fewer bells and whistles (ie. satellite, internet, central heat and air, guest room)?

Somehow I guess I expected some of these questions to be past the asking stage.  This is not my Mother's old age.  She was healthy and employed well into her eighties, managed her sparse income so carefully that she left us money to help take care of Royce and never even went to a hospital until pneumonia snuck up on her at 88, by which time she allowed as how she was tired and ready to go.

Obviously that's not the way its going to be for me.  I have loved being here in Tyler, close to my youngest grandkids and with extended family nearby.  I have a wonderful church, Christ Church, that has made me feel so welcomed and loved and educated and prayed for and with.  This is a beautiful part of this wacky state, gorgeous flora, hills and valleys, lakes and rivers, great little towns and spots to see.

But the ugly fact remains that I cannot afford to live here without some employment and lordy but I dread throwing myself back into that battle.

Suggestions?