The Serenity Prayer

Various members of my family are familiar with the Serenity Prayer for various reasons. Personally, I have appropriated it for my own use.

You all know it: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can and
the wisdom to know the difference.

I have assigned the three parts ..
things I cannot change = other people ...
courage to change = my own self ...
wisdom = God.

I am really rolling with the first and third but I struggle mightily trying to change my self.

Here's how it goes. The other person does not want me. I have the wisdom to recognize that fact.

Now my question is: where do I get the courage (or whatever) to come to grips with my part ... just get over it. Quit thinking about him. Get over expecting the phone to ring, the text to appear or an e-mail asking for another try. Just get over it.

One excuse is that I spend an outrageous amount of time by myself, alone. Friends and family have suggested that I may "overthink" things! Another is that I have virtually no experience in boy/girl junk. Thirty years without a significant other ... actually thirty years without a date ... is poor training for handling interpersonal relationships.

Now, did I avoid such on purpose for all that time? I don't think so. I really believe there wasn't anyone out there ... and I guess there really wasn't. Oh, and there still isn't. Sadder still, even if there was, I want the one that got away, went away, was never really here.

Back in my "day" it was bandied about that there was "someone for everyone" ... obviously I made erroneous choices early on and the bottom line appears to be that there really isn't anyone for me. Durn. I thought it sounded good.

When I wished for a view of what it would be like to be "falling down stupid,"" crazy about" and "head over heels," it never occurred to me that I would a) get it, b) like it and c) find out that it was a very temporary situation.

So, now I am wishing for a partial lobotomy to forget all that I learned! Helps me understand why people turn to booze, pills and other mind numbing devices. I don't even have the courage for that!

And don't suggest "counseling" ... the last one I went to thought I was rational!