Why is like whine

Here is my question. Why am I able to so successfully tell myself how to behave but equally unsuccessful at following my own instructions?

I think I am coming down with OCD in my dotage.

I tell myself: your office is freezing cold and it makes you miserable but it is almost August and you'll have a nice new boss in January if you can just shut up, suffer and survive. A few hours later I have my hand on my purse ready to stuff it all and walk out. Now we know I can't afford to be unemployed. We know that the labor market in a town of 7000 people is never great. But, I'm ready to leave.

Next: that guy, the one that doesn't want me anymore oh, but he keeps "in touch" ... e-mails, an occasional phone call. I tell myself; just forget about him, disregard e-mail, don't answer the phone, for goodness sake don't send e-mails and don't call him. Do not, under any circumstances go to a softball game hoping to see him. Do none of that stuff. What, are you stupid?
And then, not only do I e-mail, but I go back from time to time to re-read what I e-mailed.

I'm telling you, its OCD. This is very disturbing behavior for a person who never did anything repetitive or compulsive for the first 68 or so years on the planet. And now I'm compulsive, what causes this?

I read a suggestion about telling yourself several good things regarding the day before you even get out of bed. I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful. My family is doing very well, employed, educated, enjoying life and each other. My health is extraordinarily good. At water aerobics the other night our young (17) lifeguard/cheerleader/instructor just went nuts when some of us were telling our age ... she kept screaming at me ... "I don't believe you are 70 years old, really you don't look that old."

I have the best group of friends beginning with extended family members from Florida to Michigan to Washington, with whom I now keep up better than ever before thanks to the internet (Facebook). I have friends from school days in Wisconsin, school days in Texas, radio stations in both places, ad agencies and my friends at Monument. I have new friends, found since I retired to this part of Texas, found at each of the wonderful Episcopal churches that have welcomed me over the years, Ascension, Christ Church Cathedral, St Peter's in Brenham and dear St. Francis in College Station. The Houston radio community is just crazy about keeping in touch with reunion lunches, extemporaneous parties, and of course, funerals.

There is no good reason for me to be losing my mind ... so why is it going?