Facing again the specter of unemployment.

It hasn't happened but I tend to worry ahead.  Seems the huge multinational corporation that has employed me in a temporary part time position for the past several months is taking a hard look at budgetary concerns and my massive hourly cost may be more than they can sustain.

If this is the case I am heartbroken on so many levels.  First, of course, is the loss of what seems to me to be absolutely necessary income to supplement that lovely check I get from myself (and the government) on the second Wednesday of every month.  Secondly is the honest to goodness fact that I love this little job, that I can do, with people whom I like and who seem to like me back, interesting people with much to teach and share.  Third is the flaming ass nightmare of trying to find a job in this town, at this age.  I've been there and it was hell.

On-line may be a swell way to do a lot of things, but if your birth year is 1940 its the worst possible way to apply for jobs.  They see the year and they picture the least able 70-something they know and you are painted with that brush.

I understand very clearly that I am not the good little, bright little worker that I was twenty or more years ago.  I am, however, still most able.  I can and do speak in complete sentences, follow instructions, know how to ask for help with things I do not understand, appear on time each work day and complete the day and its tasks.  I am pleasant (mostly) and well spoken.  I can operate many office machines without crashes and fire.  I can climb ladders, install new cartridges, send and receive faxes, texts, calls and messages.  I am generally presentable with few bad hair days since I went to the short stuff.  My vision and hearing are completely within the normal range and my driving skills are hampered only by a slightly leaded right foot.

So, now the question becomes, do I stay or do I go.  Do I slog through another several months (if I'm very frugal, I can probably make four in these circumstances), hunting high and low for someone to take a chance on me.  Do I move away, to somewhere smaller, with smaller costs, with fewer bells and whistles (ie. satellite, internet, central heat and air, guest room)?

Somehow I guess I expected some of these questions to be past the asking stage.  This is not my Mother's old age.  She was healthy and employed well into her eighties, managed her sparse income so carefully that she left us money to help take care of Royce and never even went to a hospital until pneumonia snuck up on her at 88, by which time she allowed as how she was tired and ready to go.

Obviously that's not the way its going to be for me.  I have loved being here in Tyler, close to my youngest grandkids and with extended family nearby.  I have a wonderful church, Christ Church, that has made me feel so welcomed and loved and educated and prayed for and with.  This is a beautiful part of this wacky state, gorgeous flora, hills and valleys, lakes and rivers, great little towns and spots to see.

But the ugly fact remains that I cannot afford to live here without some employment and lordy but I dread throwing myself back into that battle.

Suggestions?

Commune or not to commune

When folks (hippies and such) were heading off to communal lifestyles, either religious or experimental in nature, I was busy working and raising four kids, mostly single-handedly.  The thought of living with even more humans than I already did, did not appeal to me.  In a lot of ways it still doesn't.

However, when you find yourself located in a place where very few people share your beliefs or outlook or politics, the idea of moving somewhere where people do doesn't sound so bad after all.

If you know me, you're laughing at the thought that I could dwell communally with anybody.  Both my husbands and all my children couldn't wait to get away, most of them did visit occasionally, even the husbands.  In fact, when down on his luck, the first one moved in for a couple of months and everybody knows that for many years PW came over on Saturdays to do his laundry and take us all out to eat.

The downside of this plan is that those places I'd hanker to camp out at seem to be a very long way and in very opposite directions from the family that I care about and want to see when they're willing.

So, I'm probably not heading off.  It just sounds like it would be a pleasant way to while away the remaining years.  Oh, and I can't afford it anyway.  One of the coolest things about not living any more must be not worrying about finances.

How's this for a happy holiday blog?  Well, if you know me (or knew my equally dour Dad) you know that while the Christ part of Christmas brings me incredible joy and hope ... the Merry part often eludes me all together.  I believe it does have something to do with lack of sunshine, long nights and cold weather.

I pretty much feel that way about New Year's Eve too.  Good thing I have a fancy schmancy dressy party weekend coming up.  You know, something else to shop for :)

Bah what?

Insignificant Bucket List

First, I am equally aware and grateful that my many years in radio and advertising allowed me to experience shows, travel and events far beyond my pay grade.  Even my kids knew it was not normal to get to go to every circus, every ice show, multiple rodeo performances, movie premieres and theatre performances.  Most of them even got trips to Europe.

Second, I did an extremely unsatisfactory job with a Major Bucket List!  What a mess.

Third, the places you can and do want to go change along with the rest of growing old.

However, sometimes I see a story, an ad, a post from a busy friend, that piques my interest.  Today it happened to be a FB post/ad for Cirque du Soleil.  I've never seen a Cirque performance and I do think I'd enjoy it.  They probably bring their tent show to Dallas.  I know the price is crazy but maybe a grand girl and I could get to one.  So, the list begins.

There are half a dozen good old country singers I'd love to hear one more time.  Glad I got to see Ray Price at Flores Store some years back.  Right now I have Pandora radio stations for both Gene Watson and Moe Bandy.  You'd think they'd show up around here sometime.  (I would prefer they be close enough to drive home from, the Woodlands is not.)  Don Williams is actually appearing in Tyler soon but $50 seems a lot to watch him sit on a stool and sing his hits ... even tho' I love his hits.

One more trip to NYC and Broadway shows will still be on my list when I am toast.  And I don't think I've quite given up on the two parts of the US I've missed, Big Sky Country and New England.  It is much harder to travel when you're old and poor!  Oh, and I really want one more view of my friends and mountains in NM and AZ.  I am determined to get to Fairhope in March for Jaca's first round as chair of the Arts & Crafts.  It is a wonderful event.

So the mini-bucket list is underway.  I know, I should go write them down so I don't forget what I'm saving up for.  Thank goodness I have a job that makes some of this possible.  It won't always be the case.

Having another visit with dear family and friends around the country is included too; maybe one more reunion in Clark Lake, MI with the Stephenson clan.  Can you believe my Dad's younger sister is still alive and kicking, and traveling from Florida back to Michigan with some regularity?

Wonder what else I'll want to do.  What's on your list?

Incomprehensible

I do not understand how those who worship the Bible can be so blatantly anti-Semitic.

First of all, the Old Testament is Jewish.  Jesus was Jewish, an observant Jew until his death on the cross.

If you pore through the Old Testament looking for laws that apply to the judgments you want to make, you're poring through Jewish law ... Leviticus, ie.  And, if in that search you come up with a "law" you wish to adopt for your own use, don't you have to include the ones before it and the ones after it?

Jesus said he came to fulfill the law and then proceeded to die on the cross for our sins (all of them)(all of us) and then he rose from the dead and ascended into heaven.

So, if you refer to yourself as Christian in the boxes to check for religion even if you worship the Bible instead of the Christ, how can you claim that those who are still Jewish are not acceptable people?

And, yes, I am referring to the Hobby Lobby folk who refuse to carry any Judaica, ie. Bar Mitzvah cards, Hanukkah decor items, Menorahs, etc.  The Holy Bible is filled with these events and holidays.

Please don't yell at me ... this is my blog and these are my opinions.

I Believe in Angels...

cue Abba: "I have a dream"

Fr. Matt preached a wonderful sermon this morning, based on the Propers for this, the 15th Sunday after Pentecost.

Hebrews 13, 1-8 "....show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it."

He asked, "Do any of you believe in angels?"  

First, I heard Abba singing and then I thought of my paternal grandmother, Anna Louise Trevoy Stephenson, who died in October of 1905, just ten days after giving birth to her first child, my father.

Since he didn't ever know her, even less did we know her.  However, we did have a picture of her.  It was an enlarged photograph which had been colored and framed.  



As many of you know, my little brother, Royce Stephenson, was born severely handicapped with Cerebral Palsy, very smart but relatively unable to do anything for himself.  As a youngster he saw this big old picture and asked to have it on the wall visible from his bed.  Years and moves went by and "Grandma Stephenson" went wherever he did.  

As mother aged and care for Royce was tranferred to Sunshine Haven Nursing Home in Lordsburg, NM., he was extremely insistent that the picture be hung there as well.

I'd never paid much attention to it but eventually he and I talked about it, me out loud, him with his talking board.  Turns out he was very sure that she was his.  She was his Guardian Angel and while he lived somewhere on this earth, by golly, she was going to be there too.  

He said she comforted and encouraged him.  

I think his going to Heaven was a perfect opportunity for them to get better acquainted.  

Therefore, had we been called upon to raise our hands if we believed in angels, I would have raised mine.

Road Trip !!!

I love road trips.  I am a truck drivers' daughter. And I have never gone this long in my adult life without a road trip.  Now there's one in the works.

This year of diminished income has cut out all but the smallest of travels.  The last time I left the state (except for over there to Louisiana the other day) was for Kate's graduation from Alabama last August and we flew.

I like to fly just fine but its mighty pricey. I really love road trips.  Love to plan them, take them and look back at the memories of them.  Facebook makes it even worse with sites of places I've been and places I'd love to see.  Hatch Chili, La Fonda, Ireland, England, New England, you name it, I want to go there.  Then there are my many fortunate friends who go to beaches and islands, and cities and towns.  Then there are my FB friends who already live in really cool places, like Fairhope, Alabama, close to Gulf Shores, Orange Beach and Perdido Key.  I have not seen one drop of salt water for an entire year!  Or a grandson who's sailing the Alaskan coast and another who's happy in Chattanooga, TN, and tells me I'd really like it.  Of course I would.  I like most of the places I go.  I even watched a special about Marfa, TX the other night and longed for one more visit to Big Bend country.

Anyway, whine, whine, whine, I have a road trip ahead.  Yay.  Granddaughter Alexis, a sophomore at UAB and cheerleader, is down for the UAB football game against UTSA, in the Alamodome in San Antonio in October.  I'll get to see her sister too, who will be in grad school at St. Mary's.  I may even get another visit with my new great-grandson.

I know, there's no other state, nor beach, nor new territory involved, but its over five hours from here to there, I get to stay in a hotel (love hotels) and eat at some of the best Mexican restaurants in the world.

Its really great to have found a job that I like and while it doesn't pay a lot, it pays.  I also work with interesting people from many different parts of the world, who travel and transfer to other places.  Obviously, listening to all there travel experiences only whets my already voracious appetite.  I do have a small cache of frequent flyer miles, maybe enough for one trip to Europe.  So when I get road tripping back on the map I will probably start thinking of farther fields.

Beep, beep ... see ya'.

Everybody has done it ???

To be honest, I've never been a fan of Paula Deen.  You can ask any of my friends.  I love cooking and baking and I like a lot of cooking and baking shows.  I am a mid-westerner, been in Texas over fifty years, but I am a mid-westerner.  Texans call us Yankees, but we grew up in the mid-west of the US.

Further, I've never been a racist.  How do I know?  My dad was one.  He was a hard driving truck driver and he knew every unacceptable politically incorrect moniker for every ethnic section of the city of Milwaukee.  He had disparaging titles for Italians, Irishmen, Jews and Polish Americans.  He used them with great regularity as he did cuss words.  When he came to Texas he adjusted them to fit the ethnic makeup here.  And, God knows, he was not alone in any of it.

Every time he used one of those words, about a person, or a group of people, or an expletive when he banged his thumb while hammering, my Mother responded, promptly and loudly, "Lyle, not in front of the children."

As a minister's daughter she went to some lengths to reference Biblical instruction regarding the Lord's name in vain.  As a biology teacher she was pretty clear about anatomical references.  As a fine example of an mid-century motherhood she was equally clear about debasing terminology.  As the mother of a totally handicapped son she was way ahead of the curve when it came to name calling of any person who also was afflicted in any manner.

I see a number of folks pardoning the recently exposed inappropriate comments by the above mentioned cook, followed by support for her based on the remark "we've all done that at one time."

Maybe there is over reaction, I don't know.  Why not ask someone who has spent a lifetime being called a name.  Maybe its "just about the money" ... as in minority persons buy food, cook and eat, too.

I am too critical of too many people and I know it.  But I am not a racist.